I Was Mistaken for a Call Girl…or the Girlfriend Experience

Spring Break some time ago… the place to be…South Beach Miami! I and 3 friends decided to go down and party like rockstars or at least attempt that!

One day it was raining so we decided to go to the Cardozo Hotel Bar for drinks and pass the time. My friend Jenny was late, of course, so I went with her boyfriend Jason and our mutual friend Kevin. We were talking enjoying a glass of wine and the next thing I know the bartender hands me another glass of wine. I look at him and say, “I didn’t order this.” He replies, “I know the gentleman at the bar did. It’s from him to you.” So being nice I raised my glass to thank him and my friend Kevin said: “Girlfriend if you don’t go over and talk to him, I will!” So I was thinking okay I’m on vacation, let’s talk to the hot guy across the bar! I walk over in my sexiest walk that I could do in my 4-inch heels and thank him personally (it wasn’t pretty). We introduced ourselves and the small talk started.

Turns out he was from the same region of the US as me and he asked me out to dinner that night so I graciously accepted. I tell him “let me tell my friends”…now what I didn’t realize was…I’m walking back to 2 guys, one that looks like a bodyguard and the other one kinda looked like a pimp…he had on a purple sports coat! At this point, my friend Jenny shows up who’s like 6 feet tall and drop dead gorgeous and I tell my friends I’m going out with the guy and I’d catch up with them later.

Hot guy and I walk out to catch a cab and off to dinner we go…or at least that’s what I thought… In the cab, he looks at me and says he’d like to stop at a liquor store for some wine for afterward. I was thinking…and I said: “Okay, you need wine for after dinner?” His reply, “Yeah, let’s go to dinner and we can discuss terms later.” My reply, “WHAT?” His reply: “I don’t like to talk money until after dinner, dinner, of course, will be my treat. I’ll be right back.”

At this point, I just shook my head because I was shocked, then it hit me. I’m with 2 dudes, one that is a body builder and the other, an older gay man that could pass as a pimp and of course the hot other girl that looks like she just walked off the runway that looks like a high priced hooker! Geez, did he just mistake me as a call girl? He gets out of the car and I look at the cab driver and scream: “GO, GO, GO!” He was like “we need to wait for him.” I reply, “I’m not a hooker, I’m just a girl on vacation!” He looks back and says “Sure…” I show him my driver’s license he says “Okay.” He hits the gas and we are off driving away. He stops at my hotel and it was a $50 fare and he says “cash only!” I go to the ATM and get out the money and give it to him and his reply: “Next time don’t wear a short skirt and high heels sweetheart!” Of course, as he’s saying that he speeds off.

Yeah, I have the funny story to tell friends but I should have just stayed for the free dinner and exit out the side afterwards!

The Marrying Type or Just Plain Creepy?

Disclosure: When I created this blog, I wanted to pull stories from the present and some from my past, a few weeks ago I had a date that reminded me of someone that I went out with years ago, the marrying type. This is post is about the first time I came across someone like this.

My friend Andi had called me and wanted to set me up on a double date with herself, her boyfriend and his best friend. The friend had seen a picture of me and wanted to be introduced, I agreed since I was single but only under one condition, they come over to where I live and we hang out so I can feel comfortable. I was only 19 at the time and stilled lived with my parents and luckily they were out of town. The doorbell rings, I answer to only see my friend and two guys…one was super cute the other…not so much.

SO…on looks…my date had the coke bottle glasses, was super skinny and was just a little shorter than myself but I thought well maybe his personality will be awesome…not so much. When Andi introduced us, the first thing out of his mouth…Creepy statement #1: “you’re cute, we would look great together in pictures and make a good couple. ” There was also a hug as he walked through the door, it was an uncomfortably long hug.

I thanked him and invited everyone in…Creepy statement #2: “So I wasn’t sure what you drank, I brought white zinfandel, bud lite, and some other beer so we can get a little comfy.” Now remember, I was 19 at the time…seriously why didn’t he just rufie me and call it a night. Another awkward thank you came out of my mouth and I put his plethora of alcohol in the fridge.

My friend Andi and her beau were quite the affectionate ones so the awkwardness just rose to about a level 8. She then suggested that we get into my parent’s jacuzzi, I asked if I could talk to her in the other room and gave her the look of death because I was not about to get into any small place with this dude. She begged and said they haven’t been unsupervised in a long time and of course being the nice person, I obliged. She borrowed a suit and I also put on one of my suits and before I could walk out into my living room I could hear the water running…I looked over at her and asked WTF? She said she told the guys to go ahead and warm up the water. Yep, this was happening, so I walked over to the fridge got a beer, cracked it open and guzzled it.

When I got to the Jacuzzi room, everyone was already in the water so I took off my cover up and got in the water. Creepy Statement #3: “Wow after seeing you in your picture, in person, and now in a bathing suit, I think we would be a great couple. I think we should just call our parents and tell them we’re getting married!” Really…we’re 19! So at this point, I was like, “you know what, I need to make a call.” So I called my friend’s work and begged him to come over. I explained the situation and said act like my boyfriend, please! He said, “you owe me but okay, I get off at 11.” In my mind, 11pm was weeks away and it was only like 8pm! I came back and apologized and said that I needed  to call my boyfriend and just tell him I was hanging out with Andi and friends.

Creepy Statement #4: “what, you have a boyfriend but I thought we were dating?” I just looked over and said, “NO, I just met you!” I got out of the water and went to the fridge to get another beer, this was getting unbearable! Then the next thing I know Andi and her beau run past holding hands and go back into my hallway and shut and lock my door. Awesome, the awkwardness rose to a level 9, I was now alone with this person. So I put clothes back on turned on my TV and decided to ignore him. I was hoping he would get the hint and either get his friend or just leave. Nope!

Creepy Statement #5: “Why don’t you come over here and sit next to me and let’s talk. Please feel free to drink more beer.” I looked at him and said, “My boyfriend is coming over at 11 and I don’t think he would like it if someone was hitting on his girl.” In my mind, I was like yeah, that will shut him up. Nope!

He gets up goes to the fridge and gets the beer, of course bringing back one for me. I thanked him…Creepy Statement #6: “So our friends have been in your room for a long time, maybe if w get to know each other better we can be in another room.” The look of terror must have come across my face because he looked at me and said: “So no?” I ran back to my room banged on my door and was asking to talk to Andi. She opened the door and said that they will be out in a few and they’ll leave.

At this point, I had to call my friend again and beg him to get here sooner, he said he could get there by 10:30. I walked back into my living room and stated that #1 nothing was going to happen, #2 we are NOT dating, and #3 there’s no way in hell that we will ever date! After that statement, I walked into my family room looked at the clock and realized that my friend would be there in 30 minutes so I chilled alone…of course, I first stopped by the fridge and got me another beer.

Since we were in separate rooms, I ignored him and that last 30 minutes lasted a lifetime! Finally, the doorbell rang and I leaped out of my seat and ran to the door and let Sean in! He was a tall punk rocker with ear piercings, and blue and white hair so…a little scary looking but he was my savior at the time!  Sean walked in and asked the guy “who are you and why have you been harassing my girlfriend?”

He leaped upped and said, “I’m sorry, I thought she was playing hard to get.” I at this point I walked out of the room and walked to the room where Andi was and banged on the door. Andi opened and I told her she has to leave, Sean is here and he wants to be alone with me. (She didn’t know that Sean and I were just friends she believed he was my beau!) All of them got their stuff and left but they did leave behind the shitty white zin wine so I ended up regifting that bottle to some family members! Ha!

 

 

 

 

Baggage anyone?

We all have baggage from previous relationships, for me, I ended a 5-year relationship about 2 years ago and I decided, I needed time. Time to grieve, time for me and be on my own and time to let go of my past and see what I learned from that relationship. As I stated before, I am stepping back into the dating world.

One trend I’m noticing in both single men and women is that they are moving on too quickly from their previous relationships. I was on a date with a good-looking gentleman who asked me about the meaning of a text and proceeded to tell me all of the issues of his ex-wife. Oh and here was the kicker, since I was a certain ethnic background just like her, I apparently should know what she was thinking and that all women of this ethnic background are the same. Right…

The night started off with us meeting at a restaurant and at first, the conversation was light and funny. As it should be it’s the first date…we ordered drinks and a small plate and kept on talking. Our convo was about music and funny stories about us and what we like to do in our spare time. Then it turned for the interesting, he learned that myself and his ex-wife were of the same ethnic background. He said, “Well, you all are crazy and can get a little mean.” I replied, “Okay, now you’re just generalizing and I do not know your ex and I cannot speak for her or any other woman but we’re not all crazy.”

First off, at what point should anyone say that to a person that they don’t know. I wanted to pause the date and be like his mentor or pep talk person and tell him “Dude, this isn’t your ex-wife and you’re screwing up by telling her about your ex and your problems and that all women are crazy.”

Later in the night, he did wish her well, and he started to read another text and asked what I would do in his position and at that point, I was thinking should tell him I’m not his therapist. I just told him what I would have done. This was another point in the date where I wish I could pause it and say “Hey, stop talking about your ex-wife and get to know the girl right in front of you.”

So the night ended in a hug and me sending him a text the next morning wishing him well.

Damn shame…he looked good in his jeans! ; )

 

 

I’m King of the Emoji’s…and Selfies

So these days most people are finding their dates on the internet dating sites instead of the old fashion way…bars or by letting your friends humiliate you by introducing you to strangers.

So a while back I decided to try this online dating and I posted my profile and pics on a few dating sites. I met this guy named Ken, he seemed nice and we seemed to hit it off in the email stage and so we decided to exchange numbers. Now in my mind, that means great, give me a call and let’s chat and set up a date. As soon as I email him my number my phone starts to buzz. I get a text saying “Hi there, it’s Ken, this is my number so now we can talk.” After that sentence is an emoji…or a string of different smiley faces. Now, from time to time, I am guilty of the occasional emoji, who isn’t. So I replied, “Hi nice to hear from you please call me later so we can talk.” The reply I got back was a smiley with sunglasses emoji. There wasn’t any reply of “okay sure, I’ll call you later” or “no problem”.

Though out the day and into the night I got nothing but texts and every text had either a smiley emoji or some other emoji. I was nice at first because I was thinking okay, we are at work. Then later on, still more texts with the same freaking emoji. So I started to ignore the texts and go about my night.

The next morning I woke up to…”Good Morning dear, I hope you have a good day!” That’s cute right but wait…there’s more…After that text, I got 3 selfies of himself in his suit for work. I was like “Good morning you look nice. I didn’t hear from you, I thought you were going to call so we can talk.” His reply, Sad Face emoji and an apology in his text. I replied that I wasn’t a big texter and for him to call me so we can get to know one another. He said sure.

Finally, that night he called, we talked and it was about his suit collection and where he shops. Never asked any questions about me or didn’t even try to keep a conversation going, there were uncomfortable pauses. So I politely ended the call and decided to chalk it up as someone I’m not interested in.

A few days, pass and I get three other selfies…of him in his car, with his cat and another suit! At this point, I’m getting annoyed and said that they were nice pictures and I can see that he is highly into himself by sending me more selfies and not even asking anything about me. What do I get another freaking emoji response…this time a sad face, cry face and a thumbs down emoji.  At this point, I literally never responded to anything else that he sent and so of course what happens…2 days later I get another selfie and a “Hi how are you?” with of course you guessed it and smiley face emoji. I of course ignored.

Tell me, when did we stop talking and start hiding behind emojis, selfies, and texts?

UHG! NEXT!

Quarters Anyone

Pre-story: This person was in his mid-40s.

I had been seeing a guy for about a month and I liked him, he was funny, cute and geeky smart (if that’s a phrase). He asked me out for dinner on a Monday night and I accepted so he picked me up on his way home from work. Being a work night for both of us, this wasn’t going to be a late night date.

We went to dinner at a local seafood restaurant and it was great, we were cute sitting on the same side of the booth, drinking wine that was paired with our meals, and having a great conversation. The night was going great, so I suggested we go back to my place afterward. I’m thinking tonight is the night we go back to my place and have a romantic night of…well…you know. ; )

As we stepped inside my place, I suggested a night cap and he accepted. I brought out high-end drinks for us that I served neat.

When I handed him his drink, he asked: “Do you have a quarter?”

I replied, yeah, I think I have one in my purse. So I looked through my purse and found a quarter and gave it to him and he thanked me.

The next thing that happened brought me back to high school…and not in a good way. He bounced the quarter off the counter and it landed in my drink. My single barrel bourbon drink! I asked: “Why did you just do that?”

His reply: “Because now you have to drink.” I smiled and kinda laughed and took a sip. Then I proceeded to try to keep some type of conversation going when he did it again. The second time he did it annoyed me so I asked him again: “Why are you doing this, it’s a nice drink meant to be sipped.”

He laughed and did it again and yelled drink! I looked at him and said: “Is this the way you are trying to get me into bed? Because if that is the case, then it’s a stupid high school way! What are we in twelfth grade?”

He laughed and did it again! After the fourth time, I told him to stop and if he would have been the nice guy like he was at the restaurant and didn’t play high school drinking games on a work night we would have been in bed by now. I told him to get out and go find a varsity football team to play with.

I’m still shaking my head on this one, good dude just not that cool. After looking back there were other signs. LOL

 

Banana Hammock

I feel like my first story posting should be one of my favorites!

I met Brandon online, our first date was great! We texted a little before we met, our date was at one of my favorite restaurants and the night consisted of sharing tapas, drinking wine and wonderful conversation. Brandon walked me to my car gave me a hug and a small peck on the lips and he asked me out for a second date. I was so excited!

Date #2 – We decided on dinner and a movie, which he picked me up promptly on time. The dinner was another great time with great conversation. We caught the movie, which was good but I don’t really remember the context of the movie but who cares I was having a blast.

After the movie, since he was dropping me off would he like to come in for a nightcap. I poured him a drink and we sat on my couch and talked and flirted a little. It was getting late so I said: “it’s getting kind of late, I need to go to the bathroom and get to bed.” Which I was really saying I had a great time and I want to go to bed…alone. I went to the bathroom and when I came out I didn’t see him in my living room. I was like OK…I guess he decided to leave…thanks for saying good night.

So I turned off my lights and locked my door and headed for bed. As I turn the corner to go into my bedroom what do I see…Brandon was laying on top of my bedspread wearing a pair of Banana hammock undies and a gold chain! I stopped in my tracks because I felt like it was a practical joke, my mouth dropped! I’m thinking who wears tiny bikini men’s underwear???

It was so awkward after that, he slowly slid off the bed and slowly got dressed and couldn’t get out of my place fast enough! I didn’t know what to say, I walked him out and was like: “goodnight, have a safe drive home. ” LOL

Needless to say, I never heard from him again. Whenever you’re having a bad date…just think to yourself…Banana Hammock.

 

Hello Introduction

Hello, I’m Red and my blog are stories of my crazy dating adventures! Trust me you’d be amazed of the stories that I have to share. I will, of course, change the names of the people involved in the stories. I will try to keep this blog updated with my adventures!

Cheers!